I have been reading your column for some time now, and I really like the advice you give on relationships and I would love if you could give some on mine. I am 26. I have been with my boyfriend from high school, but we have a complicated relationship. He has always cheated on me and I still stay with him because I love him and just want things to work out for us. In 2004, it was the first time I got really upset because he cheated with a girl that I didn’t like because she is a road runner.
I decided that I didn’t care anymore and that I was going to cheat on him. Unfortunately, I got pregnant. We got back together and we talked and that is when I told him I was pregnant and the child was not for him. He cried and got upset at me. He asked me not to see this man again and he would take the baby and put his name on the birth certificate. I said I can’t do that. He was there for me throughout the pregnancy. I even blamed myself because I wanted for us to have our first child together.
We separated for a while and then I got involved with someone else, even though my boyfriend and I had sexual intercourse sometimes. The relationship did not work out because this man was a married man but was separated from his wife and I saw no future for us.
My boyfriend and I got back together and all was well until one night he told me that he wanted to talk to me. He told me that a girl got pregnant for him and had a miscarriage. I cried and got upset but, after all, I forgave him all because I got a child which is not for him.
We took time apart and drifted apart again. I went back to school and he was the one who helped me financially sometimes. A Couple months later, he told me that this girl was pregnant again. I was so angry with him and myself. Now we are together again and this is where I get confused because
he is still with his baby mother. He said that they have a complicated relationship.
I know he loves me but he does not show it like how I would want him to. I will have to say things to him for him to do it. He has never bought me a gift for my birthday or any other special occasion. I know that he bought for his baby mother. I know that they argue a lot about me because he told her about me and she is saying that he is not leaving me, and she heard from other people that he is not willing to give up on me.
He told me that he loves me endlessly and would want for us to get married and have children together. I want to believe him, but at the same time I don’t. I hope you can give me some advice on what to do with this relationship because I want to get out. I am getting older, and I want to settle down and build a family. What should I do? Please give me your advice.
I strongly suggest that you call a family counsellor or psychologist and make an appointment to see him/her. Your situation is very confusing. You have put yourself in a bottle of pickle. But although you have made mistakes, you shouldn’t blame yourself for everything. However, it is not too late to turn your life around, but you are going to need professional advice.
Although you are a grown woman, men are fooling you. And please don’t be upset with me, they are not just fooling you, they are using you to their advantage. So have a good look at yourself. Put yourself first and stop throwing yourself here and there. If you continue to allow men to fool you, you are going to get hurt.